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Hi Karen,
In Help and Training there is an Article named "Creating a Many-to-Many Relationship" which can help you.
In short, you'll create a 3rd "junction" object called something like Account Partner Opportunities.
This object is actually what is used on your Accounts and Partner Opportunities layouts (it's your related list)
The junction object records each have 2 parents, the Account, and the Partner Opportunity.
You can make the related lists appear to display the related Partner Opportunities under an account and vice versa, the Accounts under Partner Opportunities.
From the Account related list it lets you "lookup" and existing Partner Opportunity rather than creating a new one each time (what you're trying to do)
Once it's setup you can customize the related lists to actually show values from the corresponding records... for instance you can setup your Account /Partner Opportunities related list to show Partner Opportunities fields that you want to see at a glance in the related list.
All this is explained in the article and how to build it step by step. I'd give it a try in sandbox and check it out.
***Make sure not to browse/skip and steps, there are some important little factors like not accepting the default names for your related lists when you make the master details lookups, etc.
Hope this is helpful,
Dave