Big Frustration with Button and Activity Actions Display on Lightning Record Pages

I am having quite a few issues working on new setup for a new Division in our company.   I really want to love Lightning and mostly love the features except with the Actions panels and custom buttons.

I have be struggling with the Ligthning record page missing buttons/actions usually when I update the record page layout usually to add a new custom button.   I try adding, reordering, removing and re-adding items to the Lightning Experience actions section and get unexpected results.

Attached is example screen shots showing the page as viewed by two different profiles who are using the same Lightning App, Page Layout and Lightning Record page.  Also screens of the page layout editor and LIghtning Record page app builder screen.

I have read and re-read documentation on actions features but wondering if I'm missing something really obvious on how they work...

Any insights into how this should work are appreciated - right now my approach is more trial/error without much logic.