Prepare for Difficult Conversations
Learning Objectives
After completing this unit, you’ll be able to:
- Explain the mind and body’s reaction to fear.
- Recognize a physiological reaction to a difficult conversation.
- Manage the psychological reactions to a difficult conversation.
- Prepare your mind and body for a difficult conversation.
Let’s dive into how to best prepare your body and mind for difficult customer conversations. It starts with a foundation of the workings of the brain.
How the Brain and Body React to Stress
When our brain receives information, it sends it to two main components—the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala.
The prefrontal cortex helps us make choices. It keeps us calm, rational, and logical.
Ever been scared by a dog barking? You may first experience a reaction of fear. Then you can find yourself holding or speeding up your breath. But after a few seconds you’re able to better assess the situation. The prefrontal cortex uses this time and new information to tell you, “Wait, the dog is behind a fence. It’s OK. No danger.”
Why doesn’t this happen immediately? Your mind is trained to keep you alive. Fear is always going to be the initial reaction until the prefrontal cortex chimes in with more useful information. So what activates our alarm system? It’s the amygdala.
The instinct to fight, flight, or freeze comes from your amygdala. It receives information and immediately pushes the danger button. It alerts all the systems to react. Your respiratory system can speed up or slow down, your circulation system starts racing, you can experience some perspiration, or your senses can heighten. The hormones cortisol and adrenaline are released and surge through the body.
The amygdala can also impede your hippocampus from getting the full story during states of heightened emotion. The hippocampus’ job is to help you remember information in the form of a story—think of it as the keeper of your own personal documentary. When the amygdala takes over and sends the danger message, the hippocampus only gets snapshots and not the full film reel. It’s as if the amygdala is yelling, “Everyone, run!” In doing so, it’s also as if the amygdala bumps into the hippocampus, and the hippocampus drops the camera. The camera hits the ground and only takes a few snapshots instead of a continuous reel of footage. Those photos may not make sense and are typically incomplete.
This is why after an unexpected conversation, you may not be able to recover all the details. You may need to look back at your notes. You might remember more how you felt or that the customer was really upset and raising their voice. This is because your hippocampus dropped its camera before the prefrontal cortex could take over and calm you down.
Have you ever met someone who is more daring than others and doesn’t seem to be phased by risk? Some people are this way due to the way their amygdala responds. The amygdala’s size influences the individual’s response. Think of someone people describe as gutsy. Are they risk takers or is it their brain composition? Understanding your brain and how it reacts is a key factor in preparation.
Difficult Conversation Preparation
As you gear up to have a difficult conversation with a customer, there are a few things you can do in the way of preparation to help ease your mind.
- Review your customer’s account details.
- Sync with your team and partners to get a full picture of the customer’s current situation.
- Identify what is at stake for the customer.
- Brainstorm options for recommendations.
- Research the individuals who will be in the room and identify the power dynamics.
- Review metrics or key performance indicators (KPIs) to identify current business value progress.
Taking these steps helps you feel prepared, which helps decrease your fear and anxiety. It builds your prefrontal cortex’s view of the situation. It provides more logic and control for the prefrontal cortex so it can keep the amygdala at bay. Here are a few more tips for preparing for and conducting a difficult conversation
- Focus on breathing before the meeting.
- Stand in a power pose before the meeting begins.
- Listen to a song or playlist before the meeting to calm your brain and get out of your emotional headspace.
- Write down the facts for the meeting and create an outline with the key items you have to hit during the meeting. This keeps you on track.
- Practice your message in the car, shower, or with your manager. This helps you sort through your thoughts, hear yourself, and anticipate the customer’s reaction.
- Inform your manager about the meeting and what is at stake. Keeping your manager in the loop always ensures that you won’t have to defend yourself later if a customer further elevates the issue. Managers and mentors can also help find solutions you haven't identified.
- Bring a notepad and paper instead of your computer. Computers can block eye contact and physical space.
- Make eye contact. When the eye can’t see something or someone fully, it can be processed as suspicious.
- Set the expectation. You may be aware that this conversation isn’t going to occur in one instance. It’s OK to set the expectation up front by giving a hard out for yourself. “I have a hard stop for our time together at the top of the hour.” Or, “I know my team is doing some research and pulling in more people for this topic, so let’s see how deep we can get and then go from there.” Be clear about what you can commit to and what falls under the customer’s responsibility. Recap your meetings via written communication.
Customers Experience Stress Too
As a trusted advisor to your customer, there is a fine line in difficult conversations. Pitfalls include asking questions your customer has already answered, or asking questions in a way that seems like you’re implying the customer doesn't know how to run their business properly. Such mistakes can cause a stress response from the customer.
It’s vital to recognize when a reaction in a customer’s brain is happening, and then use the best practices you learned in the previous unit to calm them, starting with acknowledging.
Getting to know your brain and which triggers set off your amygdala is important. The same is true for your customers. Prepare your brain with facts, information, and techniques to rein in the amygdala and be ready to handle any difficult conversation. If you learn to recognize this in your colleagues and customers, you can navigate them through these conversations as well.